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Sunday 28 December 2014

One step forward, two steps back

For the first time in a while, I made it to work on Saturday and did a 5 hour shift, so I thought that everything would be fine and I could keep going to work but today my anxiety is so bad I've been sobbing for half the day, half because of the crippling anxiety, and half because of the guilt I feel about not going to work... again. I feel as though the guilt is starting to eat me alive and I just can't keep living like this.
This is what I hate about our health system. I booked an appointment for the psychiatrist about 15 days ago and the earliest I could get an appointment is the 13th of January. What if I was suicidal? I would be dead by now because they couldn't fit me in for a whole MONTH. I am so desperate to see someone who can help me but they just don't have the space to fit me in and it's so frustrating.
I guess I'll just keep having my pity party wrapped in a blanket reading my books to try and escape the panic that I'm constantly feeling.

Hope you're all well,

April <3

2 comments:

  1. April, you are a fighter.I have struggled with severe anxiety my whole life, and I know what it is like to just feel stuck. I hope so very much that the new medication will help you. No mater what some people say, meds can really help :) over the years I have watched your channel, and I am amazed at how strong you are, and so very inspiring to all us people out in the world that struggles with anxiety. Know that you are never alone, ok? Don't give up, things really will get better. One minute at a time. :) <3

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  2. Hey Apil. I just found about you on Goodreads, was checking out your books, blog and stuff.

    I didn't expect to find something like this on your personal blog.

    My best friend suffers from depression and anxiety, so I get you there. If you ever need a stranger and possible friend (who also loves books, duh), seriously, write me a message. Not an expert on this but talking to strangers is sometimes an amazing therapy. (shoot me a message on GR if you wish, I'll hand you over my personal email there)

    Obed Marquez Parlapiano.

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